Eleven-year-old Paolo stared at his backpack, stuffed haphazardly with crumpled papers and half-finished assignments. His mom, Sarah, sighed as she noticed his untouched math homework on the kitchen table. "Hey Paolo, didn't you say you have a test tomorrow?" she asked. Paolo's eyes widened in panic. "Oh no! I completely forgot!" he exclaimed, frantically digging through his backpack.
Paolo's study area was disorganized. He had been procrastinating, often getting distracted by his phone and video games. He also struggled with time management and creating healthy study habits which has affected his school performance.
Seeing his frustration, Sarah walked over and said, "Let's sort this out together.”
Does this scene feel familiar? If so, you are not alone. Many parents struggle to help their children develop strong executive function skills – the mental processes that enable us to plan, focus attention, remember instructions, and juggle multiple tasks successfully.
The good news is that there are strategies you can use to support your child's executive function (EF), especially if they have ADHD. Let's explore the ten principles for improving your child's executive function, based on the work of Peg Dawson and Richard Guare in their book Smart but Scattered.
Ten Principles for Improving Your Child's Executive Function
Teach skills directly
A child’s brain is like a sponge. They learn a lot by watching us do everyday things, but sometimes that may not be enough. Direct instruction can make a big difference, especially for kids with executive function challenges.
Consider developmental level
Remember what's normal for your child's age. We don’t expect a 5-year-old to pack their own lunch or a 10-year-old to know how to pack for a month long summer camp. Also, keep in mind that every child develops at their own pace. Adjust your expectations based on what your child can do now, rather than what you think they should be capable of.
Move from external to internal
Start by offering lots of help and gradually ease off to support your child in internalizing skills. This process can be seen as a gentle "hand-off."
Initially, provide external support where you are in charge by offering physical support, clear instructions, and reminders. As your child progresses, shift to shared responsibility, working together and providing prompts and encouragement as needed. Finally, move to internal control, allowing them to take the lead and stepping back, only intervening if absolutely necessary.
Modify the environment, task, or interactions
Look at three areas where you can make changes to support your child:
Where they work: Find a distraction-free space, like the kitchen, to help them focus better than working alone in their room.
How they do tasks: Use alternative methods if needed, such as drawing a comic instead of writing an essay. Break tasks into smaller, manageable steps, like a 10-15 minute tidying session instead of cleaning the whole room at once.
How you interact: Be flexible with your approach and provide extra time or support if your child needs it. Adjust your strategies to fit their learning style.
Use your child's drive for mastery and control
Kids are motivated to do well and be more independent. You can support this by:
Creating daily routines they can follow.
Offering choices within limits you set.
Breaking big, daunting tasks into smaller, manageable steps.
Helping them transition from "I can't" to "I have to" to "I want to." For example:
"I can't" - When a project seems too hard.
"I have to" - Explaining why it’s necessary and helping break it down.
"I want to" - As they make progress, they may start to enjoy the challenge!
Match tasks to effort capacity
Start by asking your child to rate how hard a task feels on a scale from 1 to 10. Aim to make the task feel like a 3 out of 10. If cleaning their whole room feels like a 10, start with just 15 minutes of tidying. This can help you plan which tasks to do first and mix easier tasks with harder ones.
Use incentives wisely
Rewards can take the form of simple praise, tangible objects, or time spent on a preferred activity. You might also consider implementing a more elaborate point system, where they earn rewards daily or weekly. This approach can increase their participation in chores or school work and help them keep going when things get hard.
Provide just enough support
Offer the least amount of help needed for your child to succeed on their own and help avoid frustration. We want our children to develop these skills by guiding them through challenges rather than solving problems for them. We don’t want our children to become overly dependent on external help.
Maintain supports until mastery
Provide support until your child has truly mastered the skill. Scaffolding involves offering the necessary assistance for them to succeed until they develop the executive function needed to manage their tasks independently.
Fade supports gradually
Fade supports slowly, not abruptly. Think of it like teaching someone to ride a bike – you start with training wheels, then hold the bike for balance, and eventually give just a gentle push to help with momentum. Provide less and less support until they can ride independently.
When to Seek Additional Help
If your child continues to struggle in activities that rely heavily on executive function skills, consider working with an executive function coach. We at HabitCoach can provide personalized strategies tailored to your child's specific needs.
