Childhood is a time of growth and learning. Making mistakes is a natural byproduct of this learning. As parents, we want to help our children reach their full potential without getting discouraged by the frustrations that come with these mistakes. Our job is to help them develop a "growth mindset" – to see challenges as opportunities and step out of their comfort zones and try new things, even if it means risking failure.
Here are some signs that a child may be having difficulty developing a growth mindset:
They Avoid Challenges
During math class, the teacher assigns a set of challenging problems. Maria immediately says, "I’m not good at math," and refuses to solve the problems. She believes that her knowledge in math is fixed and that there's no point in trying.
They Give Up Easily
Isaac is learning to ride a bike. After falling a few times, he says, “I’ll never be able to do this,” and quits. He doesn’t believe that practice and effort can help him improve.
They Blame External Factors
Lily struggles with a difficult puzzle. She quickly gives up and says, “This puzzle is simply too hard, and it’s impossible to solve.” She pushes it away, feeling defeated, never to attempt another puzzle again.
They’re Afraid of Failure
During a class spelling bee, Elad purposely misspells an easy word early on so he can sit down. He’s afraid of getting a harder word wrong later and looking bad in front of his classmates.
Expert Carol Dweck explains the difference between fixed and growth mindsets. A growth mindset involves the belief that abilities are flexible and can improve with practice, while a fixed mindset is pretty much the opposite definition.
The table below shows this contradiction:
| FIXED MINDSET | GROWTH MINDSET |
| I give up | I can always learn this |
| This is too hard | Mistakes help me learn |
| I just can't do this | I can try another strategy |
| I can never be good | I am not good. YET! |
Strategies on How to Promote a Growth Mindset:
1. Use the Word “Yet.”
Encouraging your child to add the word “yet” to statements about what they currently can't do helps them understand that their abilities can develop over time. Using this language helps ingrain a sense of possibility that will motivate them to keep trying.
2. Practice Visualization Techniques
Encourage your child to envision their goals. If they've experienced failures before, guide them into imagining themselves successfully completing the task. If they are up for it, creating a vision board as a way to reflect on their desired achievements may be a good idea. This practice reinforces their motivation and commitment to reaching their objectives.
3. Always Give It a Try
Encourage them to try something at least once or twice even when they feel unsure. If they don't succeed at the task, praise their effort and their courage to try something new just as you would if they had succeeded. This approach reinforces their willingness to take on challenges and emphasizes the value of effort and resilience in the face of difficulties.
4. Know the Difference: Process Feedback vs Outcome Feedback
Process feedback focuses on evaluating the effort and strategies taken to achieve a result. It emphasizes the process rather than the end result. For example, praising a child for their diligent study habits rather than their grade on the test would be process feedback.
Outcome feedback, on the other hand, centers on evaluating the final result. For instance, congratulating a child for winning a game would be outcome feedback.
Both types of feedback have its advantages, but process feedback is the way to go to encourage a growth mindset.
5. Validate Them
Let your child know that it’s perfectly okay (and normal!) to make mistakes. It’s also okay to feel frustrated. Avoid dismissing or judging their feelings, even if it does not make sense for you at the moment. For instance, if they say, "This assignment is too hard, I don’t want to do it anymore," you can validate their emotion while addressing the behavior separately. You might say, "It sounds like you’re feeling overwhelmed right now. Maybe you can take a break, and I can help you with your work when you’re ready to come back to it later." This approach acknowledges their feelings without reinforcing avoidance of challenges.
6. Modeling
Children learn by observing their parents. When you encounter opportunities to tackle new and challenging tasks, discuss them openly with your child. For instance, you can share, “Today, I tried cooking a new dish. It was quite challenging! It didn’t turn out perfect, but I think I want to try again and see if I can improve next time.” This demonstrates that making mistakes is a natural part of learning and growth.
If you’re interested in learning more about how to help your child develop a growth mindset, HabitCoach is here to support you!
