How Do I Help My Child Become a Good Family Member?

It was Thursday morning and Shoshana Kohn realized her daughter, Rebecca, had forgotten to take out the trash again. “Becca, you didn’t take the trash out last night. Trash truck is going to be here soon, go get them out now.” “Mom, I don’t have time. It will make me late for school,” said Rebecca, obviously more concerned with the text she was sending her friend Naomi. “It’s your job, Beccs. No bins out, no allowance,” said Shoshana. “C’mon that’s not fair. Davey gets special treatment because he’s younger. All he has to do is set the table and I have to do this gross job with the trash.” Shoshana sighed, not sure what to do next. Does this scenario sound familiar to you? Kids don’t become good family members without a lot of parenting and coaching. You may need help to get your kids to learn to pull their weight.

Strategies to Become a Good Family Member

1. Know the Role of Executive Function Being a good family team member is not all about attitude. It also requires strong executive function skills. Kids with executive function challenges or ADHD may forget to do their chores or have a hard time following a sequence to get things done. Don’t assume that they can do simple chores independently. With the right support and strategies, your child can improve their skills and become an active contributor to your family. 2. Be The Role Model Children learn a great deal by observing their parents' behavior. If you want your child to become a good team member, start by modeling the values and skills you hope to instill in them. Show your child what it looks like to take ownership of tasks and commitments. For example, if you say you’ll be home by dinner or pick them up at a certain time, be sure to follow through. When you can demonstrate dependability, they are more likely to mirror that behavior. 3. Emphasize the Importance of Helping Regularly point out opportunities to lend a hand and act on them. For example, you might say, "I noticed your sister is struggling with her homework. Let’s see how we can help." This reinforces the idea that supporting one another is a core family value. Research coming out of Harvard shows that having kids do chores is a key to raising happy, successful kids. 4. Use Positive Language When delegating chores, we need to be mindful of the language we use. Avoid language that may unintentionally create resentment or feelings of favoritism. For example, saying, “Why can’t you be more like your sibling, who always helps without complaining?” or “You should take on more because your sibling is younger,” can make chores feel like punishment rather than a shared responsibility. Use neutral and encouraging statements like, “Each of us has a job to do, and when we all pitch in, things get done faster!” This helps children feel like valued contributors rather than competitors. Furthermore, it’s important to avoid being overly repetitive or "naggy." This broken record approach often leads to frustration for both you and your child. Instead, set clear expectations or use a visual reminder like a chore chart to encourage independence and accountability. 5. Encourage Harmonious Relationships Teach your child the value of supporting one another as a team. For example, with chores, focus on creating a household culture where the goal isn’t keeping score of who did what but rather encouraging a natural desire to help each other. When conflicts arise, teach them to navigate them calmly and respectfully. Support your child in learning how to manage their emotions effectively. Teach them techniques like deep breathing, counting to ten, or pausing before reacting to situations. These strategies can help them stay calm during sibling disagreements, tough chores, or other stressful moments, making them a better family team member. 6. Recognize and Celebrate Contributions Recognizing your child’s efforts when they help or work with others is very important. Simple praise like “Thanks for setting the table” or “It was nice of you to help your sibling” shows you appreciate them and encourages them to keep helping.

How can HabitCoach Help?

At HabitCoach, we specialize in helping children develop the executive function skills they need to be good family team members. Our programs empower kids to create habits that build responsibility, improve independence, and encourage collaboration within the family. Through personalized strategies, we teach kids how to plan, organize, and manage their time effectively, making chores and teamwork less overwhelming. Contact us today to learn more about our services!

How Do I Help My Child Become a Good Family Member?

Strategies to Become a Good Family Member

How can HabitCoach Help?

Get started today or learn more by booking a FREE consultation with one of our Executive Function experts.